The Noise of Casual Sex
For a person whose predominant Love language is physical touch and quality time, nothing draws me closer to a person more than physical intimacy.
And perhaps that is exactly why casual intimacy becomes so dangerous and exhausting for someone like me, and maybe you too…
Because what happens when a person who associates sex with vulnerability, surrender, romance and emotional nakedness… starts engaging in meaningless casual sexual encounters with strangers?
What happens to his heart?
The heart still longs for intimacy that transcends the body. It still craves that feeling where two people do not merely touch skin, but dissolve into each other’s existence. Where desire is not just physical hunger, but emotional communion that permeates beyond the flesh. Where bodies entangle, and somehow spirits do too!
But then the mind intervenes. It creates walls. Walls that demarcate how much of emotional nakedness is permitted within the perimeter of this sexual escapade…
How much, if you ask…?
Well just enough to satisfy the body. No deeper. You do not let anyone enter the inner chambers of your being. You learn dissociation…. train yourself to stop at the flesh and teach yourself how to remain emotionally untouched while physically exposed.
But can you really just shut the doors of your heart and silence the noise that two bodies rubbing against each other creates? Is it really that easy? To dissociate the need of the body from the desire of the heart!
No…
Not really…
It is a compromise!
Or perhaps even a rebellion…!
Rebellion? Against whom you may ask!
A rebellion against the same force that once made you believe intimacy was sacred…
Because maybe that force took away the kind of love that would not require this splitting of the self. The kind of love where desire and devotion could coexist without conflict.
And now something within you wants to scream back at existence itself —
Screw you…
You took away the romance I longed for?
Now I will have my way with this body and heart as I wish to…
I’ll destroy a piece of ME, that you made and show you that I can…
I CAN!
I CAN DESTROY TOO…
Just the way You destroyed what I wanted…
I’ll destroy a part of what you created…
This body, this heart, this innocence…
A part of you begins using pleasure like punishment.
Not because you do not feel deeply —
but because you feel too deeply.
So deeply that sometimes you would rather hurt yourself with intensity than sit quietly with absence.
You seek sensations harsh enough to drown memory. Experiences loud enough to silence heartbreak. Touches powerful enough to momentarily convince you that old grief no longer exists. And somewhere in the middle of all this, innocence erodes quietly.
Not in one dramatic moment.
But slowly.
Choice by choice.
Touch by touch.
Night by night.
Until one day you realise — you were never chasing bodies. You were chasing the feeling of being emotionally held inside intimacy.
And perhaps that was the real hunger all along.
Journal entry
3rd May 2026, 3:25PM
— Dr. Krish
Orthodontist | Mindfulness coach | Author
