An Open Letter to My Future Partner

So… you want to date me?

Or perhaps you’ve simply stumbled onto this page after matching with me and are wondering whether I’m worth asking out for coffee.

Or perhaps I’ve sent you this link because I’d quite like to take you out on a date!

I believe, every meaningful relationship begins with a conversation. And unfortunately, dating apps have reduced those conversations to the same handful of questions, repeated over and over again…

• Who are you?
• What do you do?
• What are you looking for?

I could answer those in a chat window. But I don’t think anyone can be understood through a handful of chat bubbles. And I’ve also realised that rewriting the same answers for the five-hundredth time feels like cruel and unusual punishment. For all of us!

Besides… if reading this feels like a chore, we may already have our answer. 🙂

We are all stories… and this is mine!

Or at least, everything I think you should know before deciding whether it’s worth asking me out for coffee.

So I wrote you a letter instead… 😊

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FIRST THINGS FIRST…

I’m not dating for entertainment. I’m dating because I genuinely hope to find my person.

The end game. The one I grow next to and grow old with. A “witness to my life”

I’m thirty-six. I’ve loved deeply. I’ve been heartbroken. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve learnt impossible lessons. I’ve survived things I once thought would destroy me. Therapy has rebuilt parts of me that I didn’t know could be rebuilt.

I’m not here to “see where it goes.” I’m here because I know exactly where I’d like it to go — towards a life built together.

So if you’re looking for something casual, random hookups or NSA or “let’s enjoy it while it lasts”, being discreet, or simply exploring without intention… I’m probably not your person. And that’s okay. I’d rather know that on Day One than after six months.

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BEYOND CHEMISTRY

Chemistry is wonderful. But chemistry doesn’t pay hospital bills or navigate difficult parents or survive grief. Chemistry doesn’t decide where to live, how to handle finances, whether to have children, whose career takes priority, how festivals are celebrated, who cares for ageing parents, or how conflicts are resolved.

Love needs practicality.

So yes, fairly early on I’d like to talk about:

– Money and financial responsibility.

– Marriage and what it means to each of us.

– Belief systems and spirituality.

– Families and boundaries.

– Caring for ageing parents.

– Whether we want children. (Personally, I’m not particularly fond of the idea, but it’s not an absolute non-negotiable.)

– Where we see ourselves living.

– Career ambitions.

– Mental health.

– Conflict resolution.

– Physical intimacy and compatibility.

None of these conversations scare me, and I hope they don’t scare you either. The absence of clarity around these conversations is what I consider a non-negotiable.

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NON NEGOTIABLES

Years of therapy have made me someone who appreciates people who are clear on their non-negotiables in a relationship! I would be happy if you were to share with me yours.

My 3 primary relationship non-negotiables are surprisingly simple.

• Honesty.
• Non-judgemental acceptance.
• Giving each other the benefit of doubt during conflict.

Everything else can usually be worked through if those three remain intact.

I believe good relationships are built on love, communication, compassion, respect, and the willingness to have difficult conversations without trying to “win.”

It is important for us to understand that when an issue or conflict crops up, as partners we are fighting the issue at hand together from this side of the court as a team, rather than moving to opposite ends and fighting one another!

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I’M A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

Apparently, I’m a hopeless romantic. Well that’s what my therapist once called me.

Not that I disagree with him. Nor do I take it as anything but a compliment.

To me, love means showing up. Choosing each other. Protecting each other. Fighting for the relationship instead of against each other.

The problem is, for a very long time, I believed love also meant sacrificing endlessly, cutting corners of myself to accommodate into what’s being asked of me, putting my needs in the back burner.

Therapy taught me something beautiful. Self-love and romantic love are not opponents. Choosing myself doesn’t mean I’ll love you less. It simply means I finally know that healthy love shouldn’t require either of us to disappear.

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I’M BISEXUAL, BUT NOT JUST BISEXUAL

Yes, I’m bisexual.

Yes, I’ve loved men.

Yes, I’ve loved women.

No, I’ve never hidden my past from any partner.

No, I’ve never cheated.

Yes, I’ve experienced polyamory in the past.

No, I don’t wish to build that kind of relationship anymore.

My attraction towards men and women isn’t identical. Bisexuality isn’t fifty-fifty.

It isn’t confusion or indecision. And it certainly isn’t a stepping stone to something else.

If you genuinely don’t know much about bisexuality, I’m always happy to answer sincere questions. Just don’t try to fit me into boxes built from stereotypes. I’ve spent enough of my life climbing out of them, being judged and questioned for my orientation and associated choices.

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LOVING ME WILL TAKE COURAGE

Loving me comes with some real-world complications.

I’m out to my father. He understands what bisexuality means, but he isn’t quite accepting of the idea yet, though I’d like to believe it’s a work in progress.

On the other hand, my mother has grown up with a completely different worldview. Her dream is still the conventional marriage, children, and the life she imagined for me.

Reality may ask something different of all of us. So, if we end up together—especially if you’re a man — it won’t always be easy.

There may be uncomfortable conversations, obvious resistance, need for time and patience.

If you’re looking for a relationship that is a cakewalk and will never have to fight against the world… I’m probably not your person.

Because whoever ends up loving me may, at some point, have to stand beside me against it.

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LOVING ME WON’T FEEL LONELY

Despite familial odds, you’re not walking into this alone.

I have beautiful friends, queer, straight, singles, couples, mostly family that’s chosen and some by blood!

People who’ve stood beside me through heartbreak, legal battles, professional struggles, victories, therapy, poetry, and life itself.

Love already exists in abundance around me. I’m not looking for someone to rescue me. I’m looking for someone to join an already beautiful life.

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LOVING ME = BECOMING A CAT PARENT

There are two tiny people you’ll have to impress first, as a rite of passage into my world. They are named – Pride & Glitter, my two kittens!

They’re not pets. They are my kids, the love of my life. They’re tiny pieces of my heart walking around on four paws.

If you want to love me… Well Congratulations.

You’re now interviewing for the role of co-parenting my fur babies!

PS: They are extremely adorable and are fond of good human beings ❣️

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FAITH & SPIRITUALITY

Spirituality isn’t a hobby for me. It’s home.

I’ve been associated with the Art of Living organisation and practising yoga and meditation since 2012 and have been teaching the same since 2017.

I’m deeply spiritual and pretty religious. I’m a practising Brahmin, an enthusiast of Vedic sanskrit chantings and knowledge.

I love my deities—not out of fear, but out of affection. I’ve Krishna & Shiva inked on my chest as a mark of that reverence.

Faith, for me, is not about proving anything. It’s about becoming a kinder human being.

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WHO I AM OUTSIDE OF LOVE

Before we talk about compatibility, perhaps I should tell you what kind of life you’re actually walking into.

I’m an orthodontist by profession, and I have the immense privilege of doing work that genuinely gives me purpose—particularly in the field of cleft lip and palate care. Over the years, by the blessings of the divine, I’ve been fortunate enough to build a name for myself in my own humble capacity, and I take immense pride in the smiles, confidence and lives I get to change.

I’m also a writer, poet and singer.

Stories seem to find me everywhere… Sometimes in airports. Sometimes in coffee shops. Sometimes in hospital corridors, or the back seat of my car while commuting to work… Sometimes in people and sometimes in emotions that don’t want to leave me alone

If we’re together, there’s a very real possibility you’ll someday find yourself immortalised in a poem, hidden inside a chapter of a novel, or being serenaded over coffee.

I love to Travel. I’m a beaches and temples person!

Travel, for me, isn’t just tourism, it’s pilgrimage. It’s wandering in silence. It’s finding new stories, old temples, darshan lines, beautiful cafés, bookstores, long strolls on forgotten streets, local people, yoga at the beach, mountain mornings and pieces of myself that I didn’t know I had lost.

Adventure and stillness somehow coexist in every journey I take.

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COMPATIBILITY

Compatibility, to me, extends far beyond hobbies or favourite cuisines. Every relationship develops its own language… Its own definitions of loyalty and understanding of fidelity. Its own boundaries and expectations… and its own little constitution!

I don’t believe every couple has to define these things exactly the same way. What matters to me is that two people consciously build those definitions together instead of assuming they were born with identical rulebooks. I’d much rather have an uncomfortable conversation today than an avoidable misunderstanding tomorrow.

An extension of my spiritual path and holistic wellness in my lifestyle, compatibility on a few things might matter.

I’m vegetarian. I don’t smoke or drink or do recreational drugs.

I work out, I meditate, I go for therapy.

I care deeply about sleep, nutrition, supplements, mental health, and holistic wellbeing.

No, I don’t expect perfection. But I admire people who take responsibility for themselves.

To me, investing in your physical and mental health is an expression of self-respect and discipline. And I find that deeply attractive.

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HOME IS IMPORTANT TO ME

I have built a beautiful life and a home out of my 3BHK apartment in Kolkata with my two fur babies that revolves around my work, patients, chosen family, close friends, spiritual community and daily routine! My roots run deep here.

Home, for me, has never been just a place. It’s always been the people I return to. Which is why long-distance relationships aren’t my first choice. It’s not an absolute non-negotiable, but it does come with one condition:

I need to know we’re moving towards each other. Not indefinitely away from each other.

I don’t expect someone to uproot their entire life overnight. Life is rarely that simple. But I do need to know that somewhere in the future exists a plan—a visible effort, a shared intention, a road that eventually brings us home to one another.

I can wait. I can be patient. I can miss you.

What I struggle with is uncertainty without direction. I don’t need you beside me today. I simply need to believe that one day, you’ll come home. Or we’ll build one together.

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COFFEE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS

My coffee doesn’t come in the form of burnt brown powder! I read my grind size, roast level and flavour notes!

I make espresso at home. I own more brewing equipment than any sane person probably should. (Read 7 different brewing methods)

If you drink instant coffee… I might be one to look down upon you as a lesser mortal… But you will be up for an upgrade at my place!

Kidding! 😂

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LOVE LANGUAGE

Physical touch & Quality time.

I’m a sucker for long deep meaningful conversations that somehow begin with coffee and end somewhere around the meaning of existence.

I love words. I write them too. Afterall I’m a self-published poet and author and I can find stories out of thin air!

But I also love silence. The kind of silence where two people don’t need to perform, rather just exist… Together… In quiet harmony…

Resting in each other’s arms at the end of the day. Just being present for one another…

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What am I really looking for?

Someone who adds to my peace.

Someone worth growing old with.

Someone worth fighting for.

Someone I can come home to.

Someone I can wake up beside.

Someone who allows me to be vulnerable without making vulnerability feel unsafe.

Someone who can disagree with compassion.

Someone who chooses honesty over comfort.

Someone who understands that love is often a verb long before it’s a feeling.

Passion matters.

Friendship matters.

Laughter matters.

Kindness matters.

Respect matters the most…

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So, Here’s the strange thing!

I already like my life.

I love my work, my writing, my music.

I love teaching yoga and meditation to people.

I love my kids (kittens), my family, my friends, my patients.

I love my morning coffee, my meditation and workouts. I love the quiet life I’ve slowly built from pieces that were once broken.

So I’m not looking for someone to complete me. I’m looking for someone who makes an already complete life even more beautiful.

If that’s you… I’d love to know your story too.

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If you’ve made it this far, thank you!

You now know me a little better than someone who has merely exchanged a few messages with me.

However, words have their limitations. They’re wonderful at introducing people. But they’re far less capable of revealing them completely.

So, let’s discover the rest over coffee.

If this letter resonated with you, I’d genuinely love to meet you…

Until then…

Let’s begin with a conversation. 😊

_______________________________

Dr. Krish

Journal entry

First complied: 29th July 2026

Updated: 2nd August 2026