Shaam-e-Baazgasht Kolkata ✨22nd November 2025 — A Ropewalk
“While Mumbai was about leaving things behind…Kolkata was about embracing the new…”
There has always been a cascade of emotions associated with Shaam-e-Baazgasht…
A journey back and forth—into healing & out of it, back into the glorification of wounds — or as my therapist would call them, “battle scars”? A tight-rope act between balance and fall…
The day before Shaam-e-Baazgasht Kolkata edition, my therapist wanted me to question:
Is my gracious muscling-through of heartbreak the very battle that carved these poems into scars? And now, every time the applause lands, am I locking myself into an obligation to walk into the fire again — to relive the same ache each time Shaam-e-Baazgasht returns?
Shaam-e-Baazgasht Mumbai (10th October 2025) was a major step in the healing arc.
Couple of days after, I left the copy of Baazgasht kept for ‘N’ at the landmark where I last had met him — a symbolic act of returning my verses back to the place from where they once originated…
A line from Sanjay Bhansali’s Devdas floats into my memory —
“Pichle janam mein yahan se koi mitti le gaya hoga… so lautane aaya hai bechara!”
But Kolkata… Kolkata needed more effort.
Mumbai had drained the catharsis; this time, I found myself floating. Like an inflated balloon refusing to sink into the tank of heartbreak… again! I didn’t feel the familiar heaviness.
I didn’t feel ‘N’.
I felt… me! My words… My poetry… My people!
And a few new souls who chose to walk into my world!
By the end of the evening, it felt whole. I saw myself stepping further out of the tunnel’s darkness, closer to the light — the light called “Phir Baazgasht: the Echo Continues”
The healing that began in the last few poems of Baazgasht has now taken flight in the next 18 poems — still brushing against the remnants of pain, but marching steadily into “Roshni”… into love found within!
I even changed my attire at the last moment—
from the soft white tissue jamdani I had planned… to a bright pink silk… because winter… but also because I felt brighter inside!
A small, wondering part of me whispered:
What if I’m not in the element of my heartbreak today?
So I took one last “heavy” step. I opened that cabinet — the one untouched for months, and reached for the perfume I had once associated with ‘N’… locked away since February 2025.
My sister Suchandra had written in the RSVP form — “Aator dis gaaye sedin!” (Use ‘itr’ for that evening).
So I decided to honour that. Not ‘itr’, but something more intense…
‘N’ostalgia — to honour my past self — to honour the journey.
And yes, it pulled me back into that realm—
but not as deep as before,
not as intensely,
not as painfully.
Healing had already done its quiet work.
The breathwork, the emotional acknowledgement exercises, the resonance of the evening — it all made me see the whole picture — not just the painful introduction, but also the healing conclusion…
Kolkata was a ropewalk — a fine one. One I’ve slipped off many times before. But now… now I’m learning the balance. To own the story, yet stay unattached from the sting.
While Mumbai was about leaving things behind…
Kolkata was about embracing the new…
— Dr. Krishnendu Chatterjee
Journal entry
23 November 2025, 3:14 PM
Kolkata
